This will be the eleventy billionth time I have started to write this. Maybe if I just write it and post it before I have a chance to think about it and rewrite it again it will get done.
I was given two words. Which was enough to get me started to find answers to questions that had been unanswered, at least for me, for years. Two words. I went in search of the rest of the story.
What I found lead to more questions, and more searching. I spent several hours in the library looking to build on what I had already found. This lead to that, that pointed to this.
And at the end of the day, I sat back with the knowledge I had gained, and looked at everything differently than I had up until now.
Two words, took me to a website that took me back in time. The drama from then sucked me in. It was as if it had just happened, instead of years ago. And I found myself wanting to add my comments, and fire off emails.
So I wrote eleventy billion posts about how blog drama is everywhere, about how sponsors and ads and stats sometimes taint our writing, how some bloggers spin stories so they look better, or hide the truth. I wanted to write and say I believed in you, I believed your story, and if what they say is true, then I am truly disappointed, and hurt, and will never look at you the same.
Every day from that day to this, it all seemed less and less important. I didn’t need to voice my disappointment on my blog for several reasons. First being I’m not sure the person the words were intended for would read them. Or care. Second, it’s been years, why bring up something that has been long forgotten.
At the end of the day, I sent one email. It said, I read everything. Of all the players, you were the only one to own up to your actions and show remorse, and because of that, it doesn’t matter to me. The others act like it never happened, have never owned their part, or told the truth, and because of that I will forever look at them differently, if I look at them at all.
It’s in the past, and that’s where it should stay. It has changed some people’s images in my eyes, but you know, in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter. They have enough other friends they won’t notice if I slip away.
I’m wanting to understand but I am completely lost.
Pamela Gold recently posted..Don’t talk to me
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Becky Reply:
October 24th, 2011 at 10:01 am
@Pamela Gold, Basically, a few years ago, there was something going on, alluded to online. I wasn’t entirely sure, until recently when I was given a couple of pieces of information that would connect the dots.
I read everything and found myself sucked into the drama I was reading even though it happened years ago.
I wanted to have my say, but at this point, it’s pointless, it’s so far in the past it doesn’t matter.
Except to me, it kinda does because one player really disappointed me, let me down, led their readers on, didn’t own their own part of the drama. In fact has never admitted the part they played, or how they played their readers.
But it’s years ago… it doesn’t matter. Except that I needed someone to know, to me it kinda did.
Becky recently posted..The one I struggled to write
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I have a feeling I was around for this drama and I may know some of the players.. unfortunately it happens all the time in blog land. Sad isn’t it and I thought we were out of high school.
Angel recently posted..A much needed peace
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Becky Reply:
October 25th, 2011 at 12:27 pm
@Angel, It was a couple of years ago, and any more than that will give too much away, and really, after all this time, they have moved on, everyone has moved on, no need to revisit it. Other than to say it changed the way I look at one of them b/c they weren’t honest in how they portrayed themselves to their readers.
Becky recently posted..The one I struggled to write
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