When my brother got married, his bride was younger than him. Well, I guess she’s still younger than him. By younger, I’m not talking a year or two, it was by several years. (I don’t remember the number, although I think it’s safe to say it’s more than five. The actual age difference isn’t relevant to this story. Oh but he’s not a cradle robber, at least I don’t think he is.)
Ok so anyway, my brother married someone younger than him. I did too, once upon a time. But I remember a phone conversation we had, where he was telling me she was doing things he didn’t like. Such as, when he would be on a trip (for his job) she would go out to the bars with her friends. He thought it was a waste of money, and she could get into trouble, or hurt. Why can’t she just stop because I told her it was dangerous and she could get hurt?!?
Because she has to learn that lesson for herself.
And so it is with my girls.
Their lives have been full of the drama these past few weeks. I am sure they have caused their fair share of it. The story goes something like this….
So and so wrote this about me!
Ok why?
Because I wrote this about her BUT It’s because she said something to them about me.
Somebody says or does something they know the other will react to. And they do. And then it’s back and forth all day long until my kid comes home yelling, screaming, crying, slamming doors, pissed off and hurt.
And that hurt part. That tears at me. I can allow them to be mad, and vent and rage, although I do have to protect my doors, but when you hurt my girl?
That’s more than my mother heart can take.
Any more, then confronted with hurt feelings, the one who did the hurting always says “I was just kidding!”
What they haven’t learned yet is that “Just Kidding” doesn’t negate the hurt feelings they have caused by their words or their actions. Just kidding doesn’t take the sting away. Just kidding doesn’t undo the mad. Just kidding isn’t a do over, or a rewind button, or an eraser. Just kidding is just two words that kids use to absolve themselves of responsibility for their actions, and their guilt.
And letting them learn that on their own?
Is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.
That is why you are a good mom. It is hard to let them learn things on their own when we want to tell them how it is. But when they learn things by themselves it means more to them and maybe they won’t make that mistake or that person their friend again. Hugs to you.
Tawnya recently posted..It Has Been A While
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Becky Reply:
November 1st, 2011 at 2:53 pm
@Tawnya, The Mother Bear in me came roaring out last night and I over stepped my bounds with the girl who’s been making my daughter miserable.
They one write I’m better than so-n-so, and then the other has to respond by crossing that out and writing over it. And it’s just stupid. And when confronted with “your behavior is hurting the other one” they both say “I’m just kidding”
Yeah well, Just kidding doesn’t negate the hurt your inflicted ‘as a joke’.
Telling them that does not teach them….. sigh.
Some days I don’t even say a word, I just walk over to the brick wall and start banging my head on it. It’s easier that way.
Becky recently posted..There are no Cliff Notes for Life Lessons
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