For those of you who had a few moments on Thanksgiving Day to sneak away and peek at Facebook or Twitter, you may or may not have seen my holiday was far from the Normal Rockwell Holiday some people were enjoying and more along the lines of a Griswold holiday. I, apparently would be playing the part of Uncle Eddie.
I am not going to get into the nitty gritty of the day. It meant a lot to my mother that I made the effort to come back and spend the holiday with her. It meant even more that I stayed at her house. I know that telling her I love her and I’m sorry and I really enjoyed my time with her may or may not make her feel better. But I know this, I will not even for a second put her between me and the rest of the family.
The truth is this, I don’t fit in. I don’t belong. I’m not like them. I don’t believe what they believe, my life is not like theirs. And this Thanksgiving was wrought with unrealistic expectations. I went back, because I was running away. Running from my demons here. Running from facing the holiday alone. Not just alone away from Brian, but alone because my girls were with their dad’s, and my son still refuses to have any contact with me. I was running away from the reality of a failed fucked up painful life.
Only to be reminded of it time and time again.
And at the end of the day, my sister and I agreed on one thing. I would never ever set foot in her house again. And to my mother, I am sorry, sorry that once again, I fucked it all up for you, for everyone.
I know what you mean here and really feel what you are saying, I dont like my extended family just my mum and because of this I avoid them. When I say I dont like them I dont mean I actually dis like them at all just that I would rather not sit in a room with them and share time with them, because of this they think I hate them and because I dont care what they think it makes it worst!
We can chose our friends but not our family!
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