You know that saying “Methinks thou doth protest too much”?
This is going to be like that.
Exactly.
First let me just get this out of the way. I put my life on the internet, along with eleventy billion other people. It’s out there, of my own choice. I blog, I tweet, I Facebook right along with countless other people. I am aware of what I put out there, and I know that in putting it out there I open myself up to judgment and speculation and unsolicited advice, and varying opinions. Welcome to the Internet in America.
It has been brought to my attention that lately, the majority of my tweets and Facebook status updates have been about stress, drinking, and Xanax. And an on-line friend decided to hold an on-line intervention, you know to save me from myself. Going so far as to suggest rehab or AA.
So, I’m here to set the record straight. The problem is, because this is all online, and behind computer screens even if I emphatically deny the charges, it will sound like just that; denial. But I’m putting it out there anyway.
I talk a great big talk. I don’t walk a step of it. I am gainfully unemployed, my son turned the magical 18 this year, the age I hung my hat on hoping he’d reach out to me when he became an adult. It’s the Holiday Season, I am a single mom of two teenage daughters, and it’s my first holiday season without Brian (which was *another* bone of contention in this online intervention). I’m under a lot of stress.
And I’m bipolar.
And that’s where this all hinges. Because BPD and alcohol either party really really well, or not good at all. Ok, but did I mention I’m unemployed? I am raising two teenage daughters? For those of you who don’t have 2 teen daughters, they are very expensive creatures. My unemployment benefits cover my bills. Barely. There isn’t much to spare, and if there is, the girls have a list of things they want or need. I don’t have a whole lot of money to support a drinking habit to the point of putting myself in danger.
I mean seriously, give me a little bit of credit here. How many people out there talk about having a glass or two of wine at night to relax? I’ve tried that. It really isn’t my thing. Oh, and for the record? I hate vodka. It is vile disgusting stuff. But I’ve tweeted and Facebooked about it several times recently. Tequila is my poison, and I know my limits and tequila is not invited into my house. I don’t drink tequila or margaritas alone. Captain Morgan is also my best friend and he is also not allowed in my house.
Basically what I’m trying to say is I’m too goddamned broke, and responsible, to fuck my life up by getting lit all the time. Yes I talk about it a lot. It doesn’t mean I do it.
And then there is the issue of Brian. Apparently I’m not getting over him nearly as quickly or completely as some people would like. But then again, they are the same people who think that every single Facebook Status is cryptically about him. As if there could not possibly be anyone else in my life. Uh, this whole me getting over Brian issue? That’s on you, because you’re just making assumptions about things without knowing the details.
Believe it or not, this was not about Brian that night
I guess the reason I’m writing this is because really, I understand you said you are coming to me because you care, but clearly you don’t know me well enough. And to suggest REHAB and AA because of Facebook? And I’d say I’m really sorry I’m disappointing you in how I’m handling the whole Brian situation but I’m not sorry. Your disappointment is on you. I’ll handle it however I decide to handle it. I’m doing fine, really. Yes, Thanksgiving sucked ass, but that’s a personal issue. Here it is Monday, and I’m still here. So, thanks for your concern but forgive me if I won’t be making reservations to be spending Christmas with Lindsay Lohan or Charlie Sheen.
Now pass me the vodka.
Oh my.. I love people reading too much into shit that gets posted on the interwebz. I’m a poster of random song lyrics and I always have to be extra careful to include little musical notes as an indicator that no, I’m not suicidal, nor am I embroiled in some torrid affair.
And man.. you take AS MUCH TIME AS YOU NEED to get over Brian. It’s not always going to be super-duper easy to do, and eff people who don’t get that. And eff people who don’t get that even when we think we are over something there are TRIGGERS.
That being said, pass the wine over here, thanks.
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Becky Reply:
November 29th, 2011 at 12:30 pm
@Andie, A lot of the time I’m posting from my
stupidnot smart phone and so I’m lazy. If it’s from a movie, or a book, or a song, or some response to some show I’m watching on television, it could be on my Facebook Page.Funny, I post about punching people in the face, or stabbing someone, or even cutting a bitch, and yet… none of that seemed to concern them.
And yeah, Brian. I may never get over him, and for today, I’m perfectly ok with that. If they’re not? They have a seat with the other bitches waiting for me to give a shit.
Becky recently posted..Setting the Record Straight
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I would almost swear you wrote this for my older sister who is a FB stalker. She is consistently following the family and my kids and our nieces and nephews to make fodder to have someone to talk about so she doesn’t have to deal with her miserable life. Why is her life miserable, where do I start.. she is single… mainly because she is as friendly as a stinging beetle. Unless you are a man and no man around here wants her because she wears stuff that is so outdated, and only skirts, she nearly has a panic attack if she has to put on pants. The skirts are waaay out of style no make up and doesn’t do anythign with her hair but pull it back. So I have blocked her from my FB statuses and pictures and even where I comment.. umm yeah ..Sounds like you need to do the same thing hun.
People do that because they don’t want to deal with the wreck their life is in..keep that in mind.Perhaps they have a man they can’t get rid of, or they wish they were as ballsy as you to put that stuff. I love ya right where you are hun..
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Becky Reply:
November 29th, 2011 at 12:32 pm
@Angel, Facebook, good in theory, not so good in practice.
I’m not so sure if I’m ballsy or if it’s just really hard to contain the crazy sometimes. There’s such a fine line…..
I love me where I am, and I’m glad you’re here too.
Becky recently posted..Setting the Record Straight
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Dear Becky, I believe life is for sharing. When you share you might get some very helpful advices how to get through this rough time in your life. So I suggest you start dating and going out a bit. It will refresh your mind and help you feel better for sure. All the best,
Larissa
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Becky Reply:
November 29th, 2011 at 12:33 pm
@Larissa, Thanks for the advice, I’m just not ready to get out there and date.
Becky recently posted..Setting the Record Straight
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Ohhhh hell!!! What have they gone and done?!?!?! Rehab…AA, come on now. Whoever this person is needs to really think about it and your current situation. Give me a freakin break!! Your a grown ass woman who has been put through the ringer if you want to have a bottle of wine, several shots of vodka/tequila/capt, a handful of Xanax so be it, but knowing you I’d bet that those things don’t happen. Now I feel kind of bad about our text messages we exchanged on Thanksgiving. What, not really.
I love you girl. Stay strong and keep your head up.
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Becky Reply:
November 30th, 2011 at 2:44 pm
@Laci, I’m not worried about the text messages from Thanksgiving. And you’ve known my IRL to know I talk a big drinking game, but I very seldom play. I will enjoy the occasional drink, never at home alone, and if I decide to let loose and have fun it’s always with a group of people.
And really??? Who has the damn money anymore? Drinking ain’t cheap, because honey I go Top Shelf.
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That was totally about me, wasn’t it? You should have blown MY phone up!
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Becky Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 1:33 pm
@Avitable, Clearly, it was absolutely about you. And as I said, you can thank me later.
Becky recently posted..Sex and Money over Vows and Commitment?
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