As of Today, I am No Longer Giving it Away for Free

I have made it no secret around here that I love me some Carrie Bradshaw.  I own Seasons 1-4 of Sex and the City, oh and The Movie. (Not SatC 2, nobody owns SatC 2). I love Carrie and the girls.

I just finished Season 4, Episode 13, The Good Fight.  (Which, you know, is probably way more detail than any of you needed, but I like to be thorough).  The underlying theme of this particular episode is “When it comes to relationships, what are we fighting for?”  Aiden is moving in with Carrie, and Carrie is learning to share her space, and her life, and adjust to Aiden, and it’s awkward and crowded and messy and he doesn’t understand her relationship with shoes and clothes, and she doesn’t understand why he doesn’t understand.  And she just kept agreeing and being gracious and moving her stuff, and giving up more room, and accommodating, and resenting, and fuming and felt taken advantage of.

And all she had to do was speak up, Hey, Buddy, can you do me a favor? I’m new to this living together, I’m new to sharing my space, my life, can you give me some space and time? Please.  Of course he did, and she discovered that once she voiced her need, got it met, it wasn’t really a need anymore.

I watched it on my laptop, ear buds in, tears silently streaming down my face.  How long have I silently swallowed my unease, how long have I bit my tongue, how long have I given and given and given and resented and felt taken advantage of and used and cheated because I didn’t open my mouth and ask for what I needed or wanted?  Far far too  long.

Recently I’ve done some work for some people, who have asked for favors.  Write a cover letter, takes some photos, make a graphic, nothing earth shattering but favors that I have the talent and the skill to complete better than they could.  An hour here, a couple of hours there, really not a great big deal.  Except that, yeah, it is, to me.  See that cover letter, those photos, that graphic? That’s my time, my skill, my talent and maybe someday my career.  I put a part of myself in everything I do. My words, my vision, my style, a piece of me.  I created those things.

I didn’t get credit for any of it.  The letter went on to get several responses that garnered some business opportunities, the photos are on the internet and hanging in homes for friends and family to see and admire, the graphic is on a webpage.  My name?  Appears on none of them. None.  The very people telling me I should charge for my services, are the very people who expect me to give them away to them, for free.  I’m not talking monetary reimbursement. I just want credit for my work. I want my name to appear on the photos I took, the things I write, the things I create.  I want my talents and skills to be acknowledged.

Watching Carrie and Aiden tonight I realized I’m done giving it all away for free.  The words, the photos, the work, the pieces of me.  Even in my personal relationships, the favors, the sex, the attention, the pieces of me.  I’m done giving that away for free too.  I’m done feeling taken advantage of, I’m tired of not getting any credit for all that I do.  I’m tired of giving it away and getting nothing in return.

I have needs, I have wants, and none of them will be met if I don’t voice them, if I don’t speak up and say I need this in return.